I have been meaning to write a post for ages now but I just haven’t got around to it. I’ve had a few ups and downs this week emotionally, and I can feel that it’s due to stress. I have exams coming up very soon which I am nervous about, plus I have holiday planning to think about. I’m also getting a bit panicky about actually going on holiday because it will be quite difficult to food optimise whilst also enjoying myself fully. But I suppose that is a worry for another day.
Now I’m getting down to the nitty gritty of my weight loss I can feel all of my negative thoughts slowly creeping back in again that I experienced the first time I lost a lot of weight. It’s like a constant niggle in my mind that no matter how much weight I lose, I will never be good enough. I’ll never be slim enough, or pretty enough, etc. I am doing my best to suppress these thoughts but I have ended up just getting really emotional about it all. Even 4 stone off doesn’t help my self esteem enough to be completely confident in myself. I wanted to at least attempt to get out of this negative cycle of thinking because I know it’s not healthy for me, so I logged onto slimming world to see if there was any help. One of the ideas was to write down a FOR and AGAINST list for why you want to lose weight, so the for’s were basically reasons why being slimmer is better, and against is the bad aspects of being slim/losing weight. It was quite eye opening for me that I still had a lot of negatives on my list, mostly taken from my past experience. For example, if I get really slim again, I may have a really bad relapse after eating chocolate or something and then get really big again. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like chocolate is my nemesis and a symbol of my willpower. So if I eat it, it’s a sign of failure or giving up (which I am very afraid of). However, from the list I also could take some positives from it, as I have a lot to look forward to when I lose more weight. Furthermore, a lot of the things on the AGAINST side of the list were ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’ and ‘mights’ whereas the FOR sides were more along the lines of ‘I will’.
Anyhoo, there have been some nice times this week. Last night me and the housemates went to see the new avengers film which was pretty epic. I decided that I wanted to have a treat, and considering how expensive and synful many of the cinema snacks are, I bought a bag of crisps from tesco’s before we got into town. I ended up eating them before the trailers had even finished, but I didn’t actually crave more because I was so engrossed in the film. They were nice of course, but I wasn’t desperate to have another bag. That felt pretty good! I also felt like I fitted in like a normal person rather than taking a bag of fruit or something, I just ate a bit of junk like everyone else. After that we went to spoons and had a drink, and instead of going home we headed off to a club/bar called Purple Turtle. It was nice just spending time with my friends (although I was freezing), and it reminded me of how far I’ve come. I could have a few alcoholic drinks without freaking out and getting too controlling, and just the fact that I was out with them is a far cry from what I was before christmas (I even missed James’ 21st birthday outing because none of my clothes fitted me nicely and I felt so low).
I thought I’d share a few photos of my meals because I haven’t posted all week;
So, after all of this, today was weigh in day! The BBQ, the night out drinking last monday and a few extra syns here and there made me have a bit of a nervy-b incase I’d put weight on. But that wouldn’t stop me weighing in anyway. Last week I weighed 13st 2lbs. This week I weigh…..
Yep, no lbs after it, just 13 stone!!!! That’s a weight loss of 2lbs this week with a total weight loss of 4st 2lbs (or 58lbs). I got my 3 1/2 stone award from SW too. I will update my ‘about me’ page with a new graph after I have finished this post. I am only 2lbs away from losing 60lbs altogether, how ridiculous is that…!? The other day, I was in James’ room and he got his weights out. He had just over 60lbs on the two weights and I could just about hold them but there was no way I could lift that sort of weight about my head! I was carrying all of that around with me without actually realising, and holding it all in my hands put it all in perspective. My BMI has dropped to 26.8 now, and my SW target weight of 12st 7lbs is well within my reach now before I come back home for the summer. Bring it on! If I lose even 1lb this coming week, I will be in the 12stones for the first time in…… ummm….. I can’t even remember….. Since the start of university probably! I’m getting hungry now so I am going to go and make a ‘curry in a hurry’, replacing salmon with chicken though as I bought enough to make batches!