Day 163; There’s no shame in a gain

Bella will be arriving in a few hours! I just crashed last night after staying up and chatting with my housemates so my room is in a bit of a state. I will have to run around now and tidy it up and get myself sorted for when she’s here. If you read yesterday’s blog you are probably aware that I was very nervous about weighing in today. I have a very guilty conscience which I am trying to shake; once you’ve made a mistake involving a choice in food there is generally not much you can do about it other than get back on track and try to not do it again. My problem is that I get very hung up on any mistake I make – I want to be perfect and make no mistakes!

I think my issue stems from when I lost a bit of weight a few years ago. I probably lost about 2 stone going from low 13s into the low 11s. Looking back at pictures , I had gotten SO slim. Like, so slim that I wouldn’t even want to get to that point again. But I didn’t see a slim girl in the mirror, I saw every flaw and blemish. I dwelled on every problem area rather than praising myself for my achievements. However, I lost weight that time by a very calorie-restricted diet (notice how I said restricted and not ‘controlled’, as I denied myself food and weighed absolutely everything to eat about 1,200 cals a day maximum). I also religiously went to the gym for hours at a time. So to be going through weight loss all over again I want to be better so to make mistakes that I didn’t make back then gives me those feelings of failure.

For me to actually weigh in this morning took a bit stern words with myself! Last week I was at home for weigh in on different scales and so a part of me doesn’t rely on what the scales said. But I hit target and I entered the weight onto SW so I made the decision to use it as my weight! So last week I weighed 12st 6lbs. This week I weigh….

12st 7lbs!

Now I bet you’ll be confused as to why I would celebrate a gain of 1lb. Crazy isn’t it? Well, I thought it would be a much bigger gain than that! Plus, it still puts me at my original SW target and I am still happy with my physical appearance so what is there not to celebrate. Sometimes, to take steps forward you may have to take one step back. If I’d had this gain a few weeks ago I probably would have thrown in the towel and given up. My self esteem wasn’t quite where it is now and I wouldn’t have been able to handle it! And whilst my graph may not be ‘kinkless’ and my legs remain a bit wobblier than I want, I will complete my journey at the pace that me (and my body) wants!

I’d also like to point out that I have still lost 65lbs overall, which is 4 stone 9 lbs! 

Last night I made the diet coke chicken AGAIN like I planned to. It was slightly different than the first batch – but certainly not  worse! It was slightly less liquidy so my plate wasn’t swimming. Flavour-wise it tasted great again too. I did brown rice with it again.

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I think I got the portion size a bit better this time too! I always try to get several colours on my chopping board but focus on green veg. I added the sweetcorn once it was in the pan but all the other veg are speed foods (mushrooms, mangetout, courgettes, green beans, peppers, broccoli, onions, garlic….)

Now to get my room spick and span in less than 2 hours…. wish me luck!!! 🙂

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Day 162; Netflix bingeing and shopping

I went shopping into town today to grab some bits and bobs for Bella’s arrival tomorrow, as well as useful things to go towards my holiday. Knowing me, I had in the back of my mind that I could buy a dress or two if I saw a nice one, but nothing seemed to grab my attention today unfortunately! 😦 The only one I was close to buying was in H&M, and I even texted my mom a picture of me in it for her opinion. I instinctively picked up a large because I’ve been so used to having that size now for a while but it was a bit loose on me around the shoulders, waist and chest area. I went back to see if they had a medium and they only had XS and L. That was a shame. I’ll show you guys what it looked like anyway:

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I have a weird thing about not taking my socks off when trying clothes on, and it drives my mom mad because she thinks you can’t get a proper understanding of what a dress looks like if you wear socks. But here’s me being a rebel and keeping them on. The dress was black and had purple pineapples on – don’t ask me why but the pattern was really funky. Shame, though.

The whole trip wasn’t in vain though. I got a giant beach-style bag from primark which will be good for Wednesday. We have to take towels and stuff for the lake festival and considering me and Bella will be together I thought we may as well share a bag. I even got some new pjs (who doesn’t love a good pair of pjs….?) and a film. Maybe if we end up having a night in tomorrow we can watch it then. I also bought some new bed sheets as I probably won’t get mine through the washer and dryer in time for tomorrow considering there is already a queue of laundry baskets from my housemates in the kitchen as we speak.

I’ve really gotten into this programme on Netflix called Person of Interest. I really recommend it! The only problem is that I get so into it that hours fly by and I am still lying on the sofa 8 episodes in and I haven’t got any of the jobs done that I planned for the day! Tonight we are thinking about having a film night again but there are two contenders for the chosen film. I would quite like to watch The Hobbit (I think it’s called the Battle of the Five Armies, so the third film in the trilogy) as I haven’t watched it yet. But Joe fancies watching Back to the Future. I haven’t watched that either, and he thinks it is a right of passage to watch it.

I haven’t had dinner yet, or even decided what I am having. It may have to be a really easy meal as it is coming up to 8 o’clock now and I don’t like eating too late. If I eat at this kind of time I get the urge to snack afterwards and that’s a bad habit to get into. I will have a gander on the slimming world website for some inspiration. Knowing me though I’ll just throw things into a pan and hope it tastes good. Yesterday I had the rest of my diet coke chicken that I had saved. Although you can’t see it in the picture, I had some brown basmati rice with it to help soak up all the extra sauce I had. Turns out I hadn’t split the portions evenly so the second meal seemed much larger than the first; and with MUCH more sauce too! It tasted great though – I will definitely be cooking it again at some point! Speaking of, I still have some diet coke left over from Thursday come to think of it…..

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It’s weigh in tomorrow and I really don’t want to. I have eaten more this week than I usually would, and whilst it is all healthy things that are within the limits of Slimming World rules I know that I should’ve stopped eating. Now that exams are over and the days are less busy I find myself boredom eating. For me, that’s worse than emotional eating because it’s easier for me to tell when I am emotionally eating than when I am boredom eating. Not to mention that I had a massive night out this week, and there are several planned nights out this week (Waterworks festival and the university Summer Ball) which will be big nights for drinking. I need to just bite the bullet and weigh in – if I don’t own up to it I will just sit here in denial, won’t I?