Day 163; There’s no shame in a gain

Bella will be arriving in a few hours! I just crashed last night after staying up and chatting with my housemates so my room is in a bit of a state. I will have to run around now and tidy it up and get myself sorted for when she’s here. If you read yesterday’s blog you are probably aware that I was very nervous about weighing in today. I have a very guilty conscience which I am trying to shake; once you’ve made a mistake involving a choice in food there is generally not much you can do about it other than get back on track and try to not do it again. My problem is that I get very hung up on any mistake I make – I want to be perfect and make no mistakes!

I think my issue stems from when I lost a bit of weight a few years ago. I probably lost about 2 stone going from low 13s into the low 11s. Looking back at pictures , I had gotten SO slim. Like, so slim that I wouldn’t even want to get to that point again. But I didn’t see a slim girl in the mirror, I saw every flaw and blemish. I dwelled on every problem area rather than praising myself for my achievements. However, I lost weight that time by a very calorie-restricted diet (notice how I said restricted and not ‘controlled’, as I denied myself food and weighed absolutely everything to eat about 1,200 cals a day maximum). I also religiously went to the gym for hours at a time. So to be going through weight loss all over again I want to be better so to make mistakes that I didn’t make back then gives me those feelings of failure.

For me to actually weigh in this morning took a bit stern words with myself! Last week I was at home for weigh in on different scales and so a part of me doesn’t rely on what the scales said. But I hit target and I entered the weight onto SW so I made the decision to use it as my weight! So last week I weighed 12st 6lbs. This week I weigh….

12st 7lbs!

Now I bet you’ll be confused as to why I would celebrate a gain of 1lb. Crazy isn’t it? Well, I thought it would be a much bigger gain than that! Plus, it still puts me at my original SW target and I am still happy with my physical appearance so what is there not to celebrate. Sometimes, to take steps forward you may have to take one step back. If I’d had this gain a few weeks ago I probably would have thrown in the towel and given up. My self esteem wasn’t quite where it is now and I wouldn’t have been able to handle it! And whilst my graph may not be ‘kinkless’ and my legs remain a bit wobblier than I want, I will complete my journey at the pace that me (and my body) wants!

I’d also like to point out that I have still lost 65lbs overall, which is 4 stone 9 lbs! 

Last night I made the diet coke chicken AGAIN like I planned to. It was slightly different than the first batch – but certainly not  worse! It was slightly less liquidy so my plate wasn’t swimming. Flavour-wise it tasted great again too. I did brown rice with it again.

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I think I got the portion size a bit better this time too! I always try to get several colours on my chopping board but focus on green veg. I added the sweetcorn once it was in the pan but all the other veg are speed foods (mushrooms, mangetout, courgettes, green beans, peppers, broccoli, onions, garlic….)

Now to get my room spick and span in less than 2 hours…. wish me luck!!! 🙂

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