Day 163; There’s no shame in a gain

Bella will be arriving in a few hours! I just crashed last night after staying up and chatting with my housemates so my room is in a bit of a state. I will have to run around now and tidy it up and get myself sorted for when she’s here. If you read yesterday’s blog you are probably aware that I was very nervous about weighing in today. I have a very guilty conscience which I am trying to shake; once you’ve made a mistake involving a choice in food there is generally not much you can do about it other than get back on track and try to not do it again. My problem is that I get very hung up on any mistake I make – I want to be perfect and make no mistakes!

I think my issue stems from when I lost a bit of weight a few years ago. I probably lost about 2 stone going from low 13s into the low 11s. Looking back at pictures , I had gotten SO slim. Like, so slim that I wouldn’t even want to get to that point again. But I didn’t see a slim girl in the mirror, I saw every flaw and blemish. I dwelled on every problem area rather than praising myself for my achievements. However, I lost weight that time by a very calorie-restricted diet (notice how I said restricted and not ‘controlled’, as I denied myself food and weighed absolutely everything to eat about 1,200 cals a day maximum). I also religiously went to the gym for hours at a time. So to be going through weight loss all over again I want to be better so to make mistakes that I didn’t make back then gives me those feelings of failure.

For me to actually weigh in this morning took a bit stern words with myself! Last week I was at home for weigh in on different scales and so a part of me doesn’t rely on what the scales said. But I hit target and I entered the weight onto SW so I made the decision to use it as my weight! So last week I weighed 12st 6lbs. This week I weigh….

12st 7lbs!

Now I bet you’ll be confused as to why I would celebrate a gain of 1lb. Crazy isn’t it? Well, I thought it would be a much bigger gain than that! Plus, it still puts me at my original SW target and I am still happy with my physical appearance so what is there not to celebrate. Sometimes, to take steps forward you may have to take one step back. If I’d had this gain a few weeks ago I probably would have thrown in the towel and given up. My self esteem wasn’t quite where it is now and I wouldn’t have been able to handle it! And whilst my graph may not be ‘kinkless’ and my legs remain a bit wobblier than I want, I will complete my journey at the pace that me (and my body) wants!

I’d also like to point out that I have still lost 65lbs overall, which is 4 stone 9 lbs! 

Last night I made the diet coke chicken AGAIN like I planned to. It was slightly different than the first batch – but certainly not  worse! It was slightly less liquidy so my plate wasn’t swimming. Flavour-wise it tasted great again too. I did brown rice with it again.

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I think I got the portion size a bit better this time too! I always try to get several colours on my chopping board but focus on green veg. I added the sweetcorn once it was in the pan but all the other veg are speed foods (mushrooms, mangetout, courgettes, green beans, peppers, broccoli, onions, garlic….)

Now to get my room spick and span in less than 2 hours…. wish me luck!!! 🙂

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Day 156; Back to university

The internet on the train seems to be much better today. So I may actually be able to finish this blog and get it posted before I even arrive into Reading station! I got to Birmingham station about half an hour before my train was due to leave because I hate having to rush around last minute to jump on. Mom walked me in to the lobby and I said goodbye. I think she got a bit emotional and I have cried every single time I’ve gone back to Reading and this is no exception. I just can’t do it infront of her else I’d set her off! I’d already printed my return tickets off when I was in Reading so I didn’t have that to worry about. I just killed a bit of time in WHSmith and M&S. I didn’t buy anything other than a magazine because my mom has made me a full lunch of chicken, pasta, mangetout peas, carrots, mushroom, bbq sauce, sweetcorn and petis pois and some fruit and a water bottle. I get complimentary food in 1st class so I’ll probably have a cup of tea (they give you biscuits, crisps and cake to accompany that) but without any sugar or sweetener. I can lose just that one luxury for now 🙂 Speaking of, the 1st class host just asked me what I wanted!

Surprisingly, the sun is shining today. If it keeps up, I won’t have to get a bus back to my house and I will walk it instead. It’s a good 40 minute walk so great for Body Magic, and with the luggage I’m carrying it will certainly get my heart pumping a bit. It’s a hillier walk from the station > home than home > station too.

And so Tuesday has come rushing back around again. This week has gone so fast. I think it’s probably because I was at home having fun, and any time I have an exam coming up time seems to whizz by. I don’t really want to go back to uni as I know the next few weeks will be tough on my diet. I know there will be lots of nights out planned and that makes it difficult to stay on track. I will be back in Birmingham in just over a fortnight though as Ken is picking me up on the 16th. Me and Bella haven’t made too much progress in terms of what to do for our holiday, but top of the list right now is Gran Canaria! That is something to aim towards – we’re right next to the beach so I want to be rocking a bikini by then (only 3 weeks from now!!!).

I will leave you in suspense no longer. I weighed in this morning, but the scales at my house aren’t digital so you have to interpret it from looking at which notch it sits on. We moved it around a few times and I got 3 different results so I just averaged it and hoped for the best. Last week I weighed 12st 9lbs. This week I weigh….

12st 6lbs!!!!!!

Yes, really. I have hit TARGET!!! I honestly can’t believe it. It seemed so far away just 5 months ago, yet I really am here! I have added the awards for 4 stone and target onto the awards page. A part of me is glad that I hit target whilst being at home because I had my mom there. Plus, at the party for nan every single person commented on how good I was looking. It was an awesome feeling. So that means I have lost a total of 66lbs and have gone from 240lbs to 174lbs. It’s unrealllllll.

I have now made the decision to drop my target to 12 stone 2 lbs. It’s good to have something to aim for, whether it be fitting into a particular dress or for a certain occasion. But for me at the moment, being a ‘healthy’ weight would be fantastic. It would give me a BMI of 25 which, although on the uppermost end of healthy, is still a healthy weight. Plus, for my 5 ‘ 9 frame I am quite broad so I won’t ever be 10 stone or something.

I will get to updating my graph and table. Monthly weigh in is on the same day as the summer ball so if all goes to plan I will have maintained this weight loss. If I lose a bit more and hit a healthy BMI I will consider writing to slimming world and applying for my story to appear on the website. It would be a cool thing if my story could inspire others. If I saw a girl lose more than 4 1/2 stone in less than 6 months I would be so inspired, but looking at my own achievement doesn’t inspire me in the same way even though it is the exact same thing. I think I need to pat myself on the back to be honest!!!

Day 149; Weigh in and a fresh start

Given that I have an exam in a few hours I probably shouldn’t be sitting here blogging! But today is a tuesday and that means I had to weigh in this morning. I’ve been nervous about it because of my blow out on Friday and as you can tell from my last few blogs, I’ve been in a negative mindset for most of the week. Either way:

Last week I weighed 12st 9lbs. This week I weigh…

12st 9lbs!

That means that I have maintained my weight this week! I know it sounds silly but I am so happy about that. I was convinced that I would gain weight this week but the scales say that’s not true. It’s made me realise that I can let go once in a while and as long as I go straight back onto plan then the consequences won’t be so bad – it’s only when you repeatedly go off plan that it will all go downhill. At the end of the day, a maintain is miles better than a gain. Not just for my weight itself but for my own state of mind. I’ve vowed to go to the gym at least twice this week (if not more if I have time) once my penultimate exam is done. Although saying that, I won’t really have time if I go home to Birmingham will I!?

I will go and have a shower now and I am going to make a more fulfilling breakfast this morning if I can squeeze it in around my revision. It’s about time I had something other than cereal in the morning. What will I possibly use all of my healthy extra a & b on today!? The possibilities are endless 🙂

From today, I will start this week afresh and hopefully it has set me up for a week of good weight loss! I am still within clutching-distance of target so I will have that image in my mind of me hitting 12st 7lbs to keep me motivated to eat well this week.